What Dreams May Come…..They really DO make us pause….


Dreams.  The most compelling mystery in the universe has to be about what makes all living creatures dream, the absurd and relative nonsense that is often quickly forgotten once we wake up.  But there is always that ONE dream that strikes you as strangely significant… relevant in some inexplicable way, but in trying to describe it aloud… there are no words to put the dream into perspective. I had a dream like this a few days ago, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out what on earth my brain was processing! Certain bizarre details really stood out to me, though, and usually I don’t remember what I dream about… it is rare, in fact.

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Some of it I understood, like when I climbed this ladder and had to squeeze myself through an opening which brought me in to my childhood bedroom–every object was in its place, my old bed, the dolls, books and toys that I loved most; I was immediately hurled into this intense state of nostalgic familiarity… as though I had actually traveled back to when I was five! Obviously, I was revisiting an important place in time that meant something to me. But the rest of this dream was like some …… mystifying carnival of madness! (It was so vivid that I kind of want to write a book about it, actually….)

Here is something that I have discovered only within the last ten years. Shakespeare once penned the ultimate question: “For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil? … Must give us pause.”   Death and dreaming are two very different things. But when you think about it, are they really all that different? Case in point:

A few years ago, we lost a close relative in our family, my husband’s uncle, Bill, who died suddenly at the age of 42. He was the kind of person who made an impact everywhere he went, he was out-going and boisterous. He was a fixture in all our lives, but most of all, he was like a brother to Brad.  So when he died, it was completely mind-blowing!  The night of Bill’s death, though, I dreamed about him ~ and it was more than vivid ~ where he was leading me from one department store to another, all the while explaining to me that he was worried about Brad (my husband) not taking care of himself and dying young. Bill distinctly told me that there was going to be a funeral. At this, I remember crying and bargaining to Bill, “but what if he loses all his weight??! Then he won’t have to die, right??” And I truly thought that he was telling me that BRAD was going to die, that the funeral Bill spoke of was for HIM.

A knock on my bedroom door woke me up from this dream, and it was my daughter, Elayna, who walked in and told me, bluntly, “Bill is dead.” I shot up out of bed. I remember telling her, “But… I was just dreaming about Bill!” (as though that should negate what she just told me!)  But I had never had a dream about Bill before–in fact, he and I rather disliked each other most of the time.  So why would he come to ME in a dream??

My theory from that day forward was that I was the only “portal” that Bill could access by way of a DREAM to tell me of his concern for his beloved nephew. Brad never dreamed about Bill that night… so, that being the case, who better to relay this last wish than his nephew’s wife? After he died, I was so devastated, I felt such regret for always feeling so angry with him. But I was honored to have provided some peace for Bill, knowing that Brad understood his concern for him; Bill made it his last priority to ensure that his nephew not wind up in an early grave as he did.

The only other time I experienced a “visitation” dream was when my step-grandmother died. I had been at her bedside just a day before she passed, and I told her how much she meant to me (I had known her from when I was as young as five years old; she was the only adult in my life who ever believed in me, the only one who told me I was a special, unique, loving person.)

A year later, I dreamt that I was driving by the retirement home that she had managed for half of her life, but it looked different, it was made of red bricks. I saw her on the crest of a hill, with well-cared for flower gardens as far as the eye could see, and she was smiling brightly at me. She looked exactly as I had remembered her when I was a child: strong, energetic…. glowing! … ever tending to her beloved garden. I ran to hug her, which is something I NEVER did in real life (she was not a big “hugger”), and she vanished as I threw my arms around her. But I was left feeling peaceful during a particularly tumultuous point in my life.

My step-dad is an atheist, but one day I asked him about his mother, specifically, did she have a penchant for red brick buildings/architecture and he stared at me, surprised. “Actually, yes… she did!” (Like, WHY would I know this??) and I described to him the dream I had about his mother, about what appeared to be her utopia (heaven?) This was the first and only time I saw him rendered speechless.

So….  dreams.  It really does give us pause…. don’t you think? Perhaps that is where we go when we die… just drift off to a never-ending dream.


Religion vs. Morality….

Here is my commentary on “morality”… religion confines us to rigid definitions on morality, but at the end of the day, what are we really left with? A whole lot of “cannots”, “should-nots”, and “would-nots.” My take on morality—on RELIGION—is love of family, friends… those who I welcome into my heart, even all the curious collection of persons who I love for no logical reason, whatsoever, but I do because … maybe somehow … they need my love more than I do. I choose not to hurt these people not because I fear retribution by God, but because I fear losing myself. This does not safeguard me from being hurt by others who ~ foolishly ~ I trust, but I don’t care. I am beautiful, flawed, imperfect and desirable… and I live each day consumed by anger—bewildered at the enormity of it all. I cannot be all things to everyone as I am expected to be. My imperfection is that I strive to be “perfect”, rising to every challenge as a sort of “fuck you” to the world…. No religion in the course of history has ever brought true peace to the hearts and minds of humans thus far, but some degree of “morality” in dealing with each other while we share our time on this earth would be SO appreciated.Featured image

Gravity Sucks!

Here’s a wonderfully humiliating story that I heard on the radio the other day:

Radio personality asks people to call in to relate their most awkward or embarrassing moment with a person that they have only just BEGUN dating.

This guy calls in and describes how he met this girl, they went out on one date, and as chance would have it, the Easter holiday was that following Sunday. So the girl invites him to her family’s house for Easter dinner, and he feels a bit intimidated at the thought of meeting this girl’s whole family on what would be -like- their SECOND date, but he politely accepts the invitation.

The number of people at the girl’s house turns out to be so big that they have to set up a second dining table downstairs in the Rec Room. The guy watches the girl’s mother and other relatives scurrying around to prepare both tables for their guests, at which point he asks what he can do to help. Grateful for his offer, the girl’s mother hands him a honey-baked ham on a platter to take downstairs to her husband (the girl’s father) who was setting up the second table.

After taking one step down the staircase to the Rec Room, the guy miscalculates that step and ~ all at once ~ as he struggles not to fall, the ham flies off the platter and smacks the girl’s father squarely in the face! But to make matters worse, he could not steady himself, so in trying to catch himself from falling, he grabs hold of the banister, which gives way! and the guy winds up taking the stair banister with him as he sprawls onto the floor below.

(How does one recover from such a catastrophe???)

Luckily, the guy is a carpenter, and he tells them at the very least he would be more than happy to offer his services to repair the staircase. Turns out, the girl’s father had custom built these stairs and there was a known problem with the first step being shorter than the rest…. but way to make a first impression, right?

Wow. So…… I wonder if there was ever a THIRD date…..??


As a postscript…. on the radio, the guy later said that he and that same girl wound up getting married.  So yea…!!  ….happy ending…..

~ Christina Stickler 😉

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Bain Capital ~ Mitt Romney is the WORST MORMON EVER!!


This movie might actually be BASED on Mitt Romney!

I just learned something about Mitt Romney that–had I known before the election was over–I would have harped on this like a crazy person! And you all thought I was fanatical over the electoral issues…. okay, I was. Definitely. But I was listening to Howard Stern today, and it was an old broadcast, but I listened anyway because it was about Bain Capital and what Mitt Romney’s role was as a CEO of that company.

Just to put it simply, how many of you out there have seen the movie “Barbarians at the Gate” which was a made-for-TV movie in 1993? It was nominated for an Emmy… Anyway, there have been other more recent movies that depict the soullessness of Leverage Buyout (LBO) companies. What a ruse that is… and it leans heavily on the threshold of FRAUD! Mitt Romney made his millions on the backs of corporations that his “consulting firm”, Bain Capital, seduced into trusting as a means to advise and/or save said company from going under! The really devious part is that once Bain hooked its claws in, they charged fees for their services and then WHOA! Suddenly said company has additional millions of dollars of DEBT owed to Bain Capital that they cannot pay back! So people who built their companies from the ground up–30, 40 years of their lives–start getting fired, let go…. “tightening the belt”! And little by little, that company is gutted and sold. How LBO’s remains legal, I’ll never know.

Nothing good comes of LBOs, no jobs are created but rather eliminated, and no product is made to sell or benefit anyone, anywhere! The only ones who benefit are/were the CEOs of Bain Capital, who profited millions of dollars pulling off this SCAM over and over (in other words, if you were a struggling business and Bain Capital was standing at your door, knowing what we know now, it would have been a no-brainer to just… RUN …!!)   Former Presidential-hopeful, Mitt Romney, was a key figure in launching this little endeavor, and thanks to his ingenious.. sneaky, low-down business practices, countless people lost their jobs–their life’s WORK–and to add insult to the financial injury, Romney & Co. actually did outsource thousands of jobs to China (you know, those “liars” he spoke of) because they could save a whole lot of money and profit MORE that way! Who’s the big fat LIAR now, huh?

The point is, THIS COULD HAVE BEEN OUR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!  How scary is that? Thank GOD he lost!  How could anyone in their right mind VOTE for Romney with his lengthy track-record of leveraged buy-outs, the lowest of the low in big business??! It took me all of 2 seconds to Google this and it’s all out there for the public to see and be aware of as Republicans still went out and voted for Mitt Romney, anyway!  Knowing this about a Presidential candidate would have been an enormous deterrent, once upon a time… ???  What would he have done with our country’s infrastructure–as greedy and self-serving as his campaign already was?  I cannot even GO there because it’s too heinous to imagine!

But knowing who he really is, it disturbs me that this man, this “good” Mormon, upstanding guy, is in every way a sociopath criminal at heart! The fact that he touts the LDS church as his deeply held faith pisses me off even more! Mormons are very good people, normally. My aunt lived and died by the Mormon faith, and she was as close to saint-like as you can get!  She is one of many that I’ve known who are truly wholesome, caring and loving.  Mormons have their own welfare system within the church–and it is well organized and even high in quality!  Charity and helping others is an every-day part of what church members provide for the less-fortunate; in fact, Missionaries are commissioned to work, clean, mow lawns, etc. for people in need–even non Mormons!–in addition to preaching “the Gospel”.  How does Mitt Romney factor in to all of this?  He is like.. the anti-Christ of all things Mormon!

For a Republican who wanted to bankrupt the Detroit auto industry (in their time of need) and end public assistance (DHS, FEMA, Healthcare, etc.) he sure didn’t shy away from accepting the federal bailout WHICH, by the way, Romney ultimately “…screwed the FDIC – the bank insurance system backed by taxpayers – out of at least $10 million. And in an added insult, Romney rewarded top executives at Bain with hefty bonuses at the very moment that he was demanding his handout from the feds.”  (Tim Dickinson, The Rolling Stone Magazine, Aug. 29, 2012.)

Read more here: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-federal-bailout-that-saved-mitt-romney-20120829#ixzz2Bgxa7Cl0 regarding the government bail outs thatRomney orchestrated after Bain Capital began to collapse from its own flagrant mishandling of funds.

There are criminals in prison right now who have a higher sense of moral code than Romney!  Seriously. We’re talking about hardcore, long-term prison inmates who would SHANK a guy like him for lesser reasons!  It just pains me to have spent sooo many hours campaigning against the Republican party, engaging in many heated debates where Obama was being shredded, and I could not emphasize the LOGIC of voting against Romney enough!  The reasons were painfully clear to ME… I just could not understand what we “libs” really had to argue about with the “conservs” (I started calling them that after one guy kept referring to me as “you libs…”)  I mean, it was sort of like Romney/Ryan were campaigning to repel voters from electing them–every time I turned around, something new would jump out and either outrage an entire minority, or a whole gender of voters!  I guess the only thing left to say is…. thank you, Romney/Ryan….. for being so over-the-top audacious that even members of your own party didn’t want to vote for you!!!

Martyrdom in Nazi Germany… the Germans who Resisted Bigotry & Totalitarianism


Scene from “Sophie Scholl: The Final Days”

I have been researching things for one of my book “concepts” I’m working on, and I got totally traumatized by something historical that I was never aware of until the end of the movie I was watching [based on real people and events] that shocked and horrified me!  And it was only a small facet of what I was researching about!!  I strayed off my path because the subject matter was intriguing and somewhat vaguely related…. and by the end of this movie, I think I cried my eyes out for an hour!  Watching that hurt my heart and mind more than words can say.  But it is better to face the demons in this world than to hide myself away from them… I spent my whole life deflecting away from subject matters involving dehumanizing violence, real events that happened to real people throughout history.  I decided that in order to be more authentic as a writer, AND as an empathetic being, I needed to GO to those places I fear and face them with both eyes open.  What I watched, however, did not end as I anticipated…. it was a million times worse!  A true story, too.

Let’s just say that I hope there is a dark cruel place in hell for the Third Reich of Nazi Germany… turns out, there was no end to the draconian atrocities these sadists enlisted to torture and execute even their own people—completely Aryan; non-Jewish, non-gay, non-gypsy, non-disabled, etc., Germans!  Some of the Rebels were appalled at having witnessed a mass killing of naked Jews standing before a giant pit—but overall, their dissent had a common theme: their message was merely that they wanted a just government!  “Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and protection of the individual citizen from the arbitrary action of criminal dictator-states…”  It is stated that these were the principles that would later form “the foundations of the new Europe“.

Over 60,000 souls were brave enough to risk a terrible death just for distributing leaflets telling of the FACTS going on in the war, and how imminently Germany was to face defeat and disgrace before the entire world!  Our allied forces were closing in against their country, but the Third Reich’s governing body was in prolific denial.  Most noteworthy among the Nazi Resistance were three young University students who were part of what was called the “White Rose” movement.  Sophie Scholl, Hans Scholl, and Christoph Probst were tried in The People’s Court in Berlin, 1943.  These 20-year-old students were blatantly denied their right to council in that their “defense” attorneys were in fear for their own lives and so they said and did NOTHING in the way of countering trumped up charges against them, as was also the case for all other individuals whose dissent were rooted out by the Gestapo.  Judge Roland Freisler, presiding over Sophie Scholl’s “trial” with her brother, Hans, and Christoph Probst, was notorious for his loathing of rebels—non-violent or otherwise.  He is depicted historically as a ruthless judge and executioner, and the words he shouted at these three students reeked of pure evil… spouting off about the Master Race and how the Führer could not be defeated!  So these harmless activists were taken away and brutally murdered just a few hours later on February 21, 1943 … A year later, the Nazi’s would come to find out for themselves that those warnings the leaflets spoke of were more than accurate, because the fallout they experienced was much worse!

As true karma would have it, Judge Freisler found out personally, and PAINFULLY, that his grandiose delusions would END him and his Master Race!  There are many versions of Freisler’s demise on February 3, 1945.  All are in agreement, however, that an air-raid interrupted a trial.  The most common consensus for the judge’s death was that it was the middle of a trial for Fabian von Schlabrendorff , and once the sirens went off announcing a bomb raid, Judge Freisler adjourned court to run for cover.  But he first stopped to grab the file on Schlabrendorff.  A bomb made a direct hit on the People’s Court in Berlin, and the Judge was later found crushed to death, file in hand of what would have been his next victim of justice.  The amazing “karma” aspect of this story is that Freisler’s death saved Fabian von Schlabrendorff from the same fate as more than 60,000 other martyrs who were guillotined before him.  After the war, von Schlabrendorff became a judge of the Constitutional Court of the Federal Republic of Germany (Bundesverfassungsgericht)!  No better example of Poetic Justice in action…  it is said that when Freisler’s body was brought in to the morgue, a worker named Luise Jodl commented, “It is God’s verdict.” According to Mrs. Jodl, “Not one person said a word in reply.”

I only regret that Judge Freisler wasn’t afforded even a MOMENT to reflect upon the irony of his death.  To read more about the White Rose movement  and the incredible courage of Sophie Scholl and her family, here’s a link that tells the whole story:


The Past Becomes the Present


I gave my heart, but I’m to blame,

I feel lost, weary, so ashamed…..

 Every day at work, back in 2009, I use to walk myself to and from my desk like some kind of angry robot, and … what I wrote above… I felt that way all day long; I still do.  The only comfort for me, strangely, were the customers who’d call in, seeking help, leniency… asking me to take pity on them and not shut off their phone for fear of the domino-effect it will have on their lives (as many of them are/were jobless.)  And I DID take pity, more than that, I found logical ways to spin the situation around in their favor. Many customers would start out lying to me, but I didn’t care. After awhile of talking with me, they’d relax and just talk, knowing that I was not at all concerned about whether or not I could prove they are liars, nor did they worry whether I was considering if they were deserving of my assistance. I made it clear right away I know full well that we were/are all in this economy together, we have all been in each other’s shoes… and I was aware that personal responsibility was not my place to judge. If so, I ~myself~ would really have been a poster-child for trouble!

My problem is that I am deeply in love with the idea of “love.” It use to be that I  “loved” certain people for the strangest reasons… I’d see what others could not or did not want to see in these individuals, and I freely gave my heart out… sincerely.  Not surprisingly, I set myself up for grave disappointment, because that kind of love hits a stone wall and there it lays, discarded and unnoticed. When I’d ask myself over and over again: why do I fucking care, anyway??  The only answer I could come up with is….. because I’m an idiot.

Even now, I trust too easily.  I feel that I have so much to offer, but it’s just like this economy, where the “interest” market has crashed… therefore, there are no takers at this time. Loneliness can be so all-consuming, like a degenerative disease! But I refuse to have any part of it. Fuck that. And fuck all those who have brought me to this unfortunate realization! Those I’ve loved, who’ve never deserved my love to begin with, will just continue to live their lives, forge ahead, and ignore me. Rather than beat myself up and wonder futilely if it is because I’m no good, not special enough, or in some other way irrelevant, I have taken to silence.  You cannot make someone care, so why fight it?  Best just to shut my mouth, hide my heart, and take solace in the quiet solitude of contemplation… because there exists no fear of rejection, or worse, apathy…. and no one can harm me there… if I don’t let them.

Holocaust Deniers ~ Seriously? WTF…

Holocaust - Very REAL Atrocities


Mr. David Irving,

Being a professed Holocaust-Denier, you say you read every {prickly} email that comes your way and that you eventually respond to each one…. for that, with all due respect, I give you some credit for your dedication to your “cause”–however rancid and outrageously offensive they are.

Like most people, my initial take upon learning of you was”WTF?!”  Having listened patiently to your lecture advocating Hitler’s fascist ideology, I was blown away to hear you defending the worst criminals in all of human history! These individuals were responsible for the most calculated acts of savagery and genocide!  To down-play or deny these truths is beyond distasteful, in the face of irrefutable evidence, i.e., thousands of eye-witness accounts, and just as many photos and video footage depicting heinous atrocities, one of the worst known to man.

However, it took a while –too long– to GET to the part where you talked about…. anything resembling an “answer” to my [outraged] “WTF”, listening to you drone on about the “real” victims of WWII… so I decided to Google you, instead!  Much more time-efficient, turns out.

I am not a Jew, nor am I European, and I do not affiliate myself with any sort of religion. I’m an American, though my roots are not too terribly far from Europe; my father’s grandfather was British. In fact, on both parents’ sides, my lineage is entirely “Caucasian” and of “Gentile” descent.  So you may wonder why I find overwhelming cause to confront you regarding your misguided, amoral beliefs.  You are suggesting that the events that took place in Sobibor Death CampBelzec Death CampTreblinka Death CampChelmno Death CampBergen Belsen, and the most infamously known to the world:  Auschwitz Extermination Camp, are all FALSE ALLEGATIONS?   In any courtroom, the preponderance of the evidence to support an accusation is entirely the responsibility of a Prosecutor or Plaintiff. Can you honestly say that there is any shortage of physical evidence that can be used to “absolve” the Third Reich and all you so-called “Holocaust-Deniers”?  We’re talking about evidence so ghastly that it traumatizes the hearts & minds of any psychologically “sound” human being!!

I WILL concede that the masses who lost loved ones and/or found their lives shattered in the aftermath of WWII, may very well have included innocent non-Jewish Germans, as you’ve mentioned.  And their lives were lost to tragedy, as well.  But to claim that JEWS were not being systematically eradicated by the Nazis — at the order of Hitler — is absolutely ludicrous!  Not to mention, other groups (no matter their ethnicity–even GERMAN!) were also imprisoned and murdered, as well:  Gypsies, Jehovah’s Witnesses,  people with disabilities, Leftists, Gays, Soviet POWs, Romani, Polish & Soviet civilians, and just basically ANYONE not Aryan or politically/religiously in line with Hitler.

***** I want to stop for a moment and relate this story to you, or all who may be interested, because it NEEDS to be heard: *****

I want to pass along this story that was told to me by my wonderful old neighbor who served in WWII (he died of old age–his 90s–back in 1995) …it is only one of MANY I will never forget as long as I live;  it was such a privilege to be friends with this little old man because he was a FONT of life experiences…. and he seemed so calm, serene… just happy with his life.   Well, entering Al’s small home was like walking out of a time-machine!! It was exquisite with all the well-polished furnishings one would find in a modestly affluent home in 1935.  He was such an easy-going, gentle soul.  He had never married, and he lived and died happily owning only his old radio, no TV.  Al had quite a sharp wit and not a shred of senility… even at his advanced age!  I went out of my way to visit my neighbor, Al… to hear his stories. He never failed to pique my interest.

But the one life experience he told to me was a segment in time during his tour of duty in WWII, when he and his fellow GI’s encountered a concentration camp towards the end of the war. They found it abandoned, save for the starving people who were imprisoned there. The men in his unit immediately recoiled from the SMELL of human decay and such, but they made quick work of knocking down the fence that separated these Jews from freedom. To their surprise, not a soul moved. The GI’s looked at one another in confusion…. Al heard one of his men say, with his nose and mouth covered by the sleeve of his jacket, “someone should go in there and tell them it’s safe to leave….” Finally, Al sighed and took it upon himself to walk towards these frightened people who were mostly skin and bones, and he stepped inside the camp, alone…. he knew no German (or Polish, whatever the case was) so, flustered, he raised both arms and simply told them: “You’re free!” and smiled.

He was then rushed by a grateful mob of prisoners who could barely walk, surrounded by their sheer joy for saving them… No soldier among them understood these people’s language, but it was pretty clear he was a “golden god” to them at that moment. Al recalled his fellow GI’s being rather jealous of his accolades after all was said and done, bad smell or not… In telling me about this experience, Al led me upstairs to his guest room where he pulled out a drawer, and to my SHOCK it was a Nazi flag. He had other concentration camp “souvenirs” but he kept them to remind him of his small, yet meaningful triumph over evil. His whole unit ripped down every swastika on the premises that day! I’m sure Al wasn’t the only GI to keep a few items as a FUCK YOU to Nazi, Germany.

Seeing the atrocities up close and personal as they did….. I am not surprised at all that the American soldiers went to neighboring towns and forced these people to look at and smell what was going on RIGHT under their own noses. When someone looked away, a US soldier screamed at them like a drill sergeant to LOOK at what they turned a blind eye to…. what they ignored while living just blocks away from the crematoriums! For the sake of humanity, at least not a single German civilian left without tears in their eyes that day.

Mr. Irving, you are turning a blind eye to a historical TRUTH so blatantly documented, anyone with half a brain would know better than to try and SPIN this -Holocaust- to be anything other than what it truly was.  Not by your conjecture, and certainly not by your attempt to alter history to fit a less-damning reality that you’re choosing to believe.   I must know: WHY do you want to take a stance against an already abominable event that will continue to live on for generations, even while the survivors who saw things first hand are long gone?!  But… honestly, I’m not even sure who’s agenda you are representing–such is the vague manner of  your attempt to “debunk” the mass murder of  11 – 17 million innocent people; that’s including non-Jews, as well.

What I AM sure of is that you are publishing books and touring for PROFIT, which has to be part of your agenda, at the very least… but I’ll tell you something: the TRUTH is louder than profit. It’s louder than lies when being upheld by stone-cold evidence!! I cannot believe you had the audacity to attempt a libel suit. You want to know why you lost that case—and with it, your credibility? Hell, even your likability?!!  Because the Holocaust is not some Conspiracy Theory…!!  If you were to argue Watergate, the assassination of JFK, Marilyn Monroe’s suspicious “suicide”, or even 9/11… THEN I might give an ear to what you have to say. But you see…. genocide is one of those “things” that can never be justified by anyone, anytime.

You’re so sure of yourself, though… aren’t you, Mr. Irving? Next, you’ll be conducting seminars on how the mass genocide of Muslims in the Bosnian war (early 90’s) was perpetrated by a “fake” Ratko Mladic! Some of the atrocities that were witnessed there, photos taken, filmed in color, etc., were so unspeakable that the grisly crimes perpetrated in the Holocaust almost pales by comparison. Are you a proponent of genocide?–that there exists humans in this world that you deem unworthy to breathe the same air as you?  Because in my experience, only the ones who HATE are the only ones who HURT.

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